“On the surface, everything looks fine. Perfect, for that matter. I have a good job, decent bank balance, family, friends... I am doing what I want, living my life the way I want to...but still. Something is missing. Nothing INTERESTING is happening in my life. Everything is just, you know, the same old same old. Nothing new is happening. I am just not able to differentiate between the days. Each work day is exactly similar to the other, and the weekends are more or less the same too. Its like as if I am being suffocated with disinterest and discontent. I don’t even know how to explain this feeling. I just want to ... it is all just so...aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
“Are you getting the drift Suja? I really don’t know how to explain it. Can you understand how frustrated I am? I have no time at all, yet I feel so bored. I just feel like pulling my hair out and running away somewhere.”
Suddenly I realized that the cafe has hushed up. OMG! Was I screaming? I wearily look around me. Other patrons quickly glance away, with this I don’t know how to describe look in their eyes.
“Relax Meenu. Just cool down. I understand what you are going through. We all go through this phase. But, are you sure that it’s not your PMS? Are you stressed out?”
I just glared at Suja. GOD! She says she understands, but ha! She is not even near the U of understanding. “No. Just forget it ok? Am perfectly alright.”
“Hahaha..Meenu. Listen. I was just kidding. And yes, I perfectly understand. We all feel this way at some point of time or the other...this indescribable feeling of discontent and disinterest, the feeling that nothing at all is happening in our lives and to live itself has no purpose. Let me suggest you something. Just jot down, at the end of each day, those happenings that didn’t fall into the ‘mundane’ category. It will help.” said Suja, with an air of certainty and conviction.
“You mean a DIARY?”
“No idiot. Not a diary. Just write down...how to say...maybe—yeah! Just make a note of the special moments of the day. Give it a try Meenu. Hmmm?”
Suja is definitely crazy. How the hell is this going to help me? I just nod my head sceptically and change the topic. Fat chance I am going to do something as silly and stupid like jotting down the ‘special moments’. Bleah, the sound of it turns my stomach. Too sugary for my liking.
What a stupid idea! Why am I even doing this? The day was just the same as yesterday, the day before yesterday and the other countless ones before that. What the hell should I fill up here?
Yeah! I got it. Today’s special moment is that am ACTUALLY WRITING THIS THING!
Ok, job done. Good night.
PAYDAY!! Now, this is the best day of the month. No doubt. And another thing is, this day comes only ONCE a month. So some relief from the routine. But hey, even this day is so similar to the payday the previous month, the month before that and the month before that....
Whatever, I have filled up the page today also. If this is the way my days are going to be..god help me.
Ah...er... now what was special today? I blew up 2000 bucks on this absolutely gorgeous party wear salwar. But this is usually the way it is on every ‘the next day of payday’. Only the item that I purchase is different.
Looks like I have to start making something special to happen to fill up this stupid thing.
Ha! Eat your heart out you stupid diary or whatever that is I am writing. Today I DID something just to fill this page. Today, I broke the routine and had lunch at a restaurant near my office.
Every day, I just go to the cafeteria and have the ‘today’s special’. Monday-idli, Tuesday-dosa, wenesdsay-naan with paneer, Thursday-fried rice, Friday-bisibelebath. And ofcourse, I skip the dessert-the sugary, gooey stuff that they serve there everyday. The only way I can differentiate between the different desserts is by their colour. They taste exactly the same. They just LOOK different, thanks to the food colours.
So, coming back to the point, I had yummy south Indian meals today.
Well...now that I have written it down, I feel so silly. Having south Indian meals for lunch-what is so special about that? Ok, let me not think about this too much. After all, I have given myself around 15 to 20 pats on my back for venturing out of the office building for lunch. And yeah, this is the first time I have stepped out for lunch in all these 2 years.
(Well, if you are wondering what happened to the days in between, I would say ‘nothing much’. But I did the page filling religiously. I skipped to this day to make the reading more interesting for you. From now on, am just going to let you read only those pages where I feel a turning point has occurred. Ok now, read on. )
Today, something really heart warming occurred. I actually WHACKED a bloody perverted eve teaser today. I had to go to Kavi’s place today and I ended up going by bus. Yeah..I know. Total bleah. But anyways, that’s what I did. The bus was filled...not crowded though. Asusaul, I didn’t get any seat(yeah, my luck. Did I tell you about it? No? Good, because it is so nonexistent that it is not even worth mentioning.) So there I was, standing in the bus when this middle aged guy did something unmentionable..not once, but twice. Now, that certainly is no accident right? So I turned to him, and with all the force that I could muster, I slapped him and gave an earful of all the bad words that I knew. Both in English and Tamil. The passengers were smart enough to understand what happened and pitched in to beat the shit out of that guy. He deserved this and more for what he did to me and all those other nameless females.
Even thinking about this incident is making me grin with satisfaction. Of course, I received a lot of appreciation for my courage and boldness. But apart from all these, it is basically a sense of satisfaction and self respect that I felt today that made this day truly special.
My cousin delivered a beautiful baby girl today. How perfect she is!! Just looking at that tiny form made me feel so happy and elated and a hoard of other mushy stuff. My little niece made my day!
Hey hey hey!!!! I feel like as if I am back to the Meenu of college days. It feels so good to do a lot of things just because you feel like doing it. I wonder what made me pack up my impulsiveness and send it away to Antarctica. Thank god that it is back and thawing....er, excuse that pun.
So today I did nothing clichéd like dancing in the rain with a Popsicle in my hand as you would have probably imagined once I started talking about impulsiveness. Nor did I hug my best friend and smother her with kisses and declare how much she means to me.
I just took the phone, called up the guy I have a crush on, and I told him that I like him. Just like that. Of course, the guy backed out. But hey! It was not love anyway. And I felt so happy that I did it. I have to admit that I do feel slightly (actually, a lot) embarrassed thinking about it. But then...sigh...am feeling great. Now, before my ear to ear grin starts becoming painful, let me just go sleep.
What was special today? Hmmmm...
The perfectly hot and sweet morning coffee. Parking the car without any hassles. My new business suit! The hum drum of job. The day’s work well done. The admiring look from a hot guy in the car next to me while caught in the traffic on the way back home. Mint chutney with dosa. My favourite song in the radio. A call from a friend. A sweet forward message in my mailbox having loads of cute puppy pictures in it. Oh boy oh boy...where shall I begin and where shall I end?
When the foremost thought on your mind when you wake up each day is ‘what special thing is going to happen today?’ your perspective takes a dramatic shift. You end up realizing that the greatest mystery is the next minute. It is dawning upon me that life is so very unpredictable and this is what makes it so interesting.
And with that, you start realizing that each moment is special. So let me not waste anymore of my special moments by writing it down. Instead, let me just go and live it. After all, recording down the special moments will become too tedious when every minute is indeed special. Ha, imagine me running around with a paper and pen in my hand, furiously jotting down things which I feel are special. Ugh! Don’t even think about it.
So before I get philosophical or sentimental or preachy, let me place the full stop HERE.
Don’t wait. Just live!